Parallax F. U.

Last month my credit card got hacked and some shithead fucker assholes charged $1,500.00 in gas and 7-11 slurpees in my name. This seemed like the best time to cancel my Netflix subscription. I mean, I drive a 1997 Saturn, I have no cell phone and no job, so why not, right? It just means me and the library will become that much closer. So, I rent The Parallax View. It's free but I really can't stand Warren Beatty. Really. If you stare at his face long enough it turns inward and becomes one big mound of lumpy flesh. Do it. Right now. Pause Dick Tracy, take your hand off your cock and stare directly into the vacant eyes of Shirley's evil, twin brother. His face will disappear...Right? I know.

Let's face it, he's been criminally miscast in every movie he casts himself in. The Parallax View is no exception, except the movie is so gay it's scary...Not gay scary, just apocolyptically gay scary. And there are no women in it (although one could argue Miss Beatty certainly fills out her bra in every scene) with the exception of Poor Paula Prentiss, an actress even worse than La Beatty, who steals the first 10 minutes of this otherwise deadly dull, man on man "action" thriller. She's killed off right away while sporting a suspiciously boyish hairdo. Who needs chicks? Certainly not Warren Beatty, who incidentally was William Friedkin's first choice for the lead in Cruising. He lost out to Al Pacino, who clearly has a bigger dick...See you soon, Rock Hard