These days, trying to find a good lesbian movie is like trying
to find…ummm…Name one, I dare you…
Personal
Best?
Nope…
The Children’s Hour?
HA!
Making Love?
Maybe…
Windows?
Almost!
Have you seen
Windows?
Talia Shire plays a stuttering straight woman stalked by her lesbian
neighbor, shittily played by Elizabeth Ashley, who hires a man to rape Adrian, err, I mean,
Talia Shire and record her stuttering moans and screams…Really!
I heard stutterers protested this movie back
in 1980.
I still can’t believe Talia
Shire has 2 oscar nominations.
Makes my
head spin, really…
So...Good lesbian movies…The
Killing of Sister George, you say? YYYYYES!!! My most favorite dykodrama ever. Now, I don’t pretend to know how lesbians
live. I don’t even have a lesbian friend,
but this movie comes pretty darn close to what I think lesbians are about. It’s a UK film, so it’s even more foreign to
me…It stars Beryl Reid and Susannah York as a bickering, May/December couple -
one of whom is a dreadfully aging actress, the other a hot, young piece of sapphic
flesh…They argue, sing a little, dance a little, scream a lot, throw stuff, yell
some more while Beryl Reid, aka June Buckridge aka Sister George, yells at
everyone else and is one big cranky ass mother fucker. I love her…She gets shit on left and right
and just pops up again, fists in the air like Bea Arthur’s Maude (but a
lesbian…).
I always thought The
Killing of Sister George was some murder mystery involving nuns, but it
ain’t…It’s pure lesbianness of the highest order. An unapologetic look into a
dysfunctional duo and a sad commentary on what we scumbags here in Hollywoods would once
refer to as “THE BIZ”. Beryl Reid’s
final word at the end is just about the most heartbreaking thing I ever did
hear in a movie that I still don’t entirely understand and really, why should I? Lesbians are weird…But they get shit done
‘cause they ain’t out dancing and sniffing poppers with the likes of Al
Pacino. AAAAAADRIAN!!!!!! From, Rock Hard
Eurostar, our in-house chick flick haiku poet, has graced us with his first review! Thank you, Eurostar, keep 'em coming: 
When
I was in the third grade, the multiplex was my babysitter. If a movie
was G or PG, my little brother and I were invariably dropped off
to watch the weekend matinée. We saw literally everything – including
Scavenger Hunt, a bad, bad, bad, bad knockoff of It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. Instead of the Stooges and Ethel Merman, we get Richard Benjamin and Starbuck from the original
Battlestar Galactica, who is now an eccentric crank famous for hating the remake of
Battlestar Galactica. Seeing how that series “Lost!” its
way by the end, who can blame him, even if female fighter pilots are
still pretty cool? Back in the seventies, though, Starbuck was trying
to inherit the fortune of another eccentric
crank by screwing Jack’s white, fiberglass clown head off the top of a
Jack-in-the-Box drive-through intercom. I’ve been thinking about this
scene a lot lately, haunted by those incessant commercials featuring the
new, improved cyborg Jack with his creepy
Mad Men body. Scavenger Hunt also provides the perfect
set-up for a great reality TV show. Whoever can deface the most public
and corporate property (list provided) wins a million dollars – what
fun! After this show gets made, remember you
heard it here first, so I can collect my royalties and residuals. Au revoir, Eurostar.
